Confession of a Former Bully

Oct. 13, 2013 / By

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KARLA MARTINEZ/Coachella Uninc

Editor’s Note: October is National Bullying Prevention Month, and in California this week Governor Jerry Brown will decide whether to sign into law Assembly Bill 256 (Garcia), a bill that would crackdown on students who torment others online and after school hours. A 2008-10 study from KidsData.org found that in California schools, 42 percent of 7th graders, 35 percent of 9th graders, and 28 percent of 11th graders reported being bullied at school at least once in the past year. 

It’s hard for me to admit this, but in the 5th grade I was a bully. I would torment other girls in my school by constantly trying to hurt them with my words and actions. I even picked on kids who were older than me because I’d convinced myself that I wasn’t afraid of anyone. I would go after people I disliked or who I considered a threat – anyone who tried to act tougher than me.

At the time, I didn’t think about those I was hurting. I was more concerned with my own situation. My parents were going through a divorce. My siblings were too young to understand, but I was completely aware. I was filled with anger because I couldn’t stop my parents from splitting up; I felt helpless and alone. Although I had friends, I didn’t trust them enough to let them know how I was feeling.

Then one day, things went too far. My friends and I didn’t like a particular group of sixth-grade girls, so we planned to attack them when they least expected it. We hid in the school bathroom, ready to attack. It was only then that I noticed blades in my friend’s hand. I was shocked when I saw them, and for the first time, I was afraid. I convinced my friends to postpone the fight until after school. We did not jump the sixth-grade girls when they walked into the bathroom – but they did see the blades before my friend had a chance to put them away.

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Coachella Unincorporated

Coachella Unincorporated

Coachella Unincorporated is a Youth Media Startup in the East Coachella Valley, funded by the Building Healthy Communities Initiative of The California Endowment and operated by New America Media in San Francisco. The purpose of the project is to report on issues in the community that can bring about change. Coachella Unincorporated refers to the region youth journalists cover but also to the unincorporated communities of the Eastern Valley with the idea to “incorporate” the East Valley into the mainstream Coachella Valley mindset.